winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
