you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
