Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
