I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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