What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
