I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
