I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
