She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
