If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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