I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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