We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
