I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
