my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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