Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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