grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
