We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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