Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
too bad you live with your parents still
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
