I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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