wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
