Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize