Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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