There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
