When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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