i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
