Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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