I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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