I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
