So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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