Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
