i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
