Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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