but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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