It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
