just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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