I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
