its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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