phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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