i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
