dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
