Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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