Is it because I queefed?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize