I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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