HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
