Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
