Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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