u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
