Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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