so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
