I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm too high and old for this...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
