I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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