East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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