My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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