Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
did i walk over a car last night?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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