I heard we made out
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Houston, we have a blender
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
