I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
