No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
