Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
