Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish I only lived at night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
