I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
