i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I will pee on everything he values.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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