someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
