i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
