Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
