NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
