Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Text me some of your sweat
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
