tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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