my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
