Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
