i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
