this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
