can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
