im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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