What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
