Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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