Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize