I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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