I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
