Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
