I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
