I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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