I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
