yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You need Xanax blowdarts
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
