I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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